brberry.

I look up as my door slowly swings open.
Raspberry is standing in the doorway, her pretty pink hair in a braid down her shoulder. She's wearing a soft red sweater tucked into a white skirt. She has new black heels on, like little boots but with a peep toe. Her toenails are painted black like her fingernails. She's wearing white eyeshadow and hardly any mascara.

She looks beautiful. 

She clicks over to my bed and sits down.
I have been in the same spot for four days, except for getting up for the bathroom.

My hair is in a bun, still wet from when Ben washed it last night. 

I have dark circles under my eyes. 

My lips are cracked and bleeding from licking them so much. 

I've lost twenty pounds since Raspberry left the hospital. 

Basically, I do not look beautiful. 

She touches my cheek. I stare at her.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Her voice is soft and high pitched.
I don't know how to answer. "M-miss you." Is all that comes out of my mouth.
She starts crying. "Brigida, you can't keep doing this. You're not taking care of yourself like you told me you would. I know you  miss me, I miss you too."
"Why didn't you visit before?"
She sighs.
"I''m busy right now, I'm trying to adjust to living at home again. It's hard. The last time I was there, you were there too. You slept with me in my bed and we watched princess movies together. We did everything together. And when I get in that bed, all I think about is how much I've hurt you. Everything that's making you sad is my fault. I shouldn't have let my dad go to your house. I should've told my mom to bring you here with me, I should've waited to tell you about my boyfriend."
The last part makes my chest hurt.
She kisses my forehead and her tears fall on my face, sliding down my cheeks.
"Why do you love him more than me?" I whisper, staring up into her grey green eyes.

She suddenly looks like someone has shot an arrow into her heart. 

"It's a different kind of love," She squeaks. "Not a different quantity."
"I don't get it."
She strokes my hair. "I love him like your mom loved your dad. I love you in a completely different way. I can't describe how I love you. But it's different."
Her use of my parents makes my chest hurt again.
But then a strange feeling washes over me. I don't love her like my parents loved each other. I can't describe it either. But it's nothing like my mother and father.
"I... get it."
Her eyes widen. "You do?"
I nod.
She wraps her arms around me tight and pulls me into her lap. She smells like her perfume and coconut and cinnamon sugar and I bury my face into her sweater and breathe deeply.

We are okay.